Did Raw Suck This Week? 2/9/15

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of Did Raw Suck This Week! As always I am your host, Dale Curtis, and we are well on our way down the rocky, winding road to Wrestlemania. We are two weeks away from Fast Lane and shit's about to get real! Will the WWE audience begrudgingly accept Roman Reigns? Are the fans going to whine every time Daniel Bryan isn't in the main event of Wrestlemania? Do these rhetorical questions have any point other than to transition to the show? Let's find out!

We open with a video package detailing the supposed controversy around the end of the Royal Rumble. It's a little overly dramatic, but still of the awesome quality I expect from the people who work on WWE's videos. Roman Reigns starts us out tonight opining that he won the Royal Rumble, and should be in the main event at Wrestlemania. The crowd is giving him a loud John Cena style mixed response here. Reigns says if he has to prove himself by beating Daniel Bryan, that's fine, because he's still a babyface after all. The promo from him is solid, and is interrupted by Daniel Bryan.

The crowd is definitely not mixed in their reaction to the bearded wonder. They go apeshit, as have arenas all over the country for the last two years of this man's career. I will note here that I hate his furry boots, but I will let it go. Bryan says he's out here to thank Roman for taking out the Big Show last week. He tries hard to get the fans on Roman's side, but it's an ugly undertaking. He then starts talking about their Fast Lane match. Bryan says he knows Reigns is bigger and stronger, but says as far as looks, they're about even, and that gets a legitimate laugh out of me. Roman is a man god. Bryan then says that when it comes to wrestling, there's no way Roman is better than him.

Out next to interrupt is Triple H and the rest of the Authority. What, did you really think we were going to go through a whole opening segment without them? Rube. Stephanie has the mic, because Vince wants me to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills. They ignore what's happening in the ring for a minute to pimp Fast Lane and talk about Sting. Way to keep the flow going guys. This was like someone dropped a steaming turd in the middle of an otherwise good opening segment. Steph eventually works it back around, berating Roman for getting involved in the match last week.

Steph then yells at Bryan for putting Corporate Kane in a casket... in a match WWE booked. Bryan points that out, which makes it much stupider. Of course he references Katie Vick which is fucking brilliant. She says Daniel and Roman are in a tag team match against Kane and the Big Show next!... Yippee?

The match is decent because it gives Kane and Big Show chances to tag out, rest, and stay fresh. They hit some interesting spots and keep the pacing up, unlike a lot of recent matches involving Kane and Big Show. Towards the end it begins to slow down as Kane and Big Show take turns trying to hug Bryan to death. For some reason the match ends on a DQ when Big Show pulls Bryan out of the ring. He's in the match ref, shouldn't that be perfectly legal?... weird. Anyway afterword we get a beat down of Roman, which he escapes with a Superman punch and a series of vicious chair shots. He dumps Show out of the ring only to get hit by Kane. Bryan tries to save him from a chokeslam, but hits Reigns with a nasty kick instead. This is where they decide to have Roman go full heel by shoving Bryan. Not sure if that's what they wanted, but that's what just happened. Triple H ends the segment by saying they'll be teaming up in another match against the whole Authority family in the main event. Decent opening half hour. I'm getting incredibly tired of watching Triple H and Stephannie make things all about them. They weren't all over the opening segment, but at this point just seeing them come out elicits loud groans. They're boring, they're long winded, and the worst part is that Trips and Steph themselves are never going to get their physical comeuppance.

Back from commercial and our next match is Ryback versus Seth Rollins, even though apparently Seth will be in the match later with Bryan and Kane. The match is good, but it mostly looks like Seth wrestling his way around a rock. I would watch that too by the way... probably give it a good review. It ends when Ryback gets the upperhand, and the New Stooges run in to attack. After the match Seth curb stomps Ryback, and stands over him triumphantly.

Commercial note: A WWE/Flintstones cross over? The child in me screams yes, while the adult in me wants to drown him in a bath tub.

After the break we get a vignette for the return of Sheamus. If he comes back as goofy Uncle Sheamus again, I'll be quite upset. To the ring and our next match is Paige versus Brie Bella. I love that we're getting all this wrestling tonight, but maybe we could have a segment instead of this particular match? I don't know, I'm not a booker. Oddly enough they have a really good match that ends when Paige hits the... RamPaige... sigh.We get a shot of Rusev walking down the hall as we cut to commercial.

Back from break and Rusev and Lana are on their way down to the ring to pay tribute to John Cena I guess. The crowd chants USA at them before they've even said anything. Lana says they are proud to face John Cena. She puts over Cena for a while, before saying they're here to recognize his great career. They cut to a video package that starts out looking like a Cena hype video, but quickly cuts to several clips of him being brutalized at different points in his career. Lana says that thirteen years is a long time, and implies that Cena is coming to the end of his career. She says he's vulnerable, just waiting for annihilation. Rusev then grabs the mic and says Cena isn't who he used to be, then proclaims to be a hero. He calls Cena weak, and says at Fast Lane he will break him. This is starting to sound kind of familiar. Are we going to get a montage of Cena running through the snow and dead lifting wooden carts set to some radical 80's synth rock? No? Weak.

Cena comes out to interrupt dressed in his brand new baby blue merchandise. He delivers a promo saying that Lana and Rusev are full of crap. He's been beaten down before, but every time he gets knocked down he gets back up. He says he's going to teach Rusev some respect at Fast Lane. It's a good promo, but nothing earth shattering. Decent sell for their match at the PPV. Rusev feigns anger as the crowd chants USA like a group of brainless automatons. Rusev delivers some more promo he probably shouldn't have, saying he's going to crush Cena. Cena makes a shitty joke about Lana having balls before the two men run at each other and start brawling. Rusve gets the upperhand with an eye poke and slams his face into the big LED screen behind them. Refs eventually come out and shoe Rusev away as we fade to commercial. Decent segment that probably ran a little too long. Good stuff from both sides though.

Did you know WWE has over 5 million Twitter followers? Better question, does anyone care? We get a repaly of the Cena/Rusev confrontation. After that Dolph Ziggler comes out for a match with Bray Wyatt. The match has no reason to happen, but it's fantastic, and gets a huge reaction from the crowd. These two are gold together, and now that Dolph has seemingly learned to slow himself down, he's able to have fantastic methodical matches like this. Bray Wyatt is a genius too. His matches seem to put over the character of each wrestler more than anyone else's recently. I love it. It ends when Bray hits Sister Abigail for the win. After the match Bray rips up a section of the black padding on the floor, but the refs put it right back down and yell at him to leave Dolph alone. He opts to stand over him in a creepy manner as his music plays.

It's time for WWE to honor black history month some more! This week they're highlighting Junkyard Dog. The truly sad thing is they won't be able to find a black main eventer to honor from after the year 2000. Also the whole blackface segment with DX... yeah Vince as long as you think you have a place honoring black history month, I'll rip you apart for it. It reeks of hypocrisy and it makes me sad because the video packages they've put together are really beautiful.

After a commercial, Brock Lesnar walks down to the ring with the jewiest manager ever to grace the squared circle, Paul Heyman! I have to say, Paul heyman might not be the number one manager of all time, but I don't think anyone was ever better at selling their client. Heyman says a little about how people are quick to crucify celebrities. He references Brian Williams for some reason before calling Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan the biggest liars ever. Why are they liars? For saying either of them has a chance against Brock Lesnar. Way to spin it Paul E. Dangerously.  You're awesome.

He says Roman is afraid of Brock, but he shouldn't be ashamed. That's a natural reaction. He marvels at Bryan's ability to lie to himself about having a chance against Brock. Heyman does a great job of putting both Roman and Bryan over, while still being adamant that his client could destroy them both. Brilliant promo work by a true master. I wish there were more managers like him and less like Rosa Mendes.

Back from break and the Dust brothers are already in the ring for their match with New Day, who jive talk and dance around as they walk to the ring. Don't you just love it when WWE honors black history month everyone? At one point during the match Stardust walks away and that distracts Goldust, allowing New Day to get the roll up pin. Not much match to speak of. It was really just set up to tease more tension between Goldust and Stardust, which they're doing really well.

Next we get a replay of Daniel Bryan accidentally kicking Roman Reigns in the face. The announcers argue about whether it was on purpose in the most annoying fashion they can before we cut backstage to Daniel Bryan and Renee Young. Daniel says what happened was an accident. Roman then walks into the shot and basically says everything's fine because they have a common enemy in the Authority. Not sure I believe him. I've seen too much wrestling to think that's true.

Back from break and we get a segment with the Dust brothers yelling at each other. Goldust calls his brother Cody, which causes him to attack, saying that Cody is dead. Holy shit. Did someone tell Cody's family? Cut to the ring where Triple H is in the ring cutting another self aggrandizing promo. He says his life's work was wiped out by Sting at Survivor Series. Seriously? I know this is melodrama, but let's chill. Triple H says Sting stayed away for 14 years because he knew Triple H would kick his ass. That doesn't explain him going to TNA though. He says he demands an answer from Sting, and then shit goes dark. We hear a crow in the background, before getting a creepy video package with all sorts of weird imagery. Back in the ring the lights come on, and a fake looking sting attacks Triple H before the video says he accepts the challenge. Weird segment that didn't need to happen. The fans ate it up though.

We get a replay of the Cena/Rusev fight, and apparently Cena is suffering from a scratched cornea. Worst injury excuse angle ever. Anyway, out come the flying Uso twins, still with no fire dancers. Naomi comes out with them, which is a big plus. Our next match is the Uso's versus Kidd and Cesaro. The match is good, with some good spots and the kind of fast paced action you expect from these tag teams. There's a heavy focus on a bubbling Naomi/Natalya feud, but the match ends up making both of the tag teams involved look really good. The Usos are a wonderful tag team, and if they had more teams of this caliber to work with, the tag team division would be a big ratings draw. The match ends when Cesaro pushes one of the Usos off the top rope and Tyson pins him.

The announcers then tell us that Rikishi will be the next hall of fame inductee, and it is well deserved. Sadly the video package only talks about his days as Rikishi, and doesn't cover any of his other gimmicks. People don't realize that he was a part of WWE forever. As it is I can see people watching this and wondering what the hell this joke is doing going into the HOF. We cut backstage to Miz and Mizdow walking down the hall before we go to commercial.

The announcers talks a bit about the upcoming NXT special show, which is awesome. Our next match is Damien Mizdow versus Sin Cara, who beat the Miz last monday night. Miz treating Sandow like crap is working, and I know because it's actually starting to get a real emotional response from me. Miz sits in a director's chair and holds a microphone during the match, which he uses to stop Damien Mizdow from imitating him. He also demands things like water from him during the match, which is otherwise a fantastic match. Miz has really found himself in this role. I honestly think it's doing better things for Miz than Mizdow. The match ends when Miz distracts Mizdow, and Sin Cara gets the roll up win. Miz berates him after the match.

We cut to the announcers pimping the Network some more, before Bray Wyatt takes over and cuts another creepy promo. I know I haven't been summarizing his stuff well, but how do you summarize a Bray Wyatt promo? It's all over the place, and only his wording makes it make sense. All I can say is he is as good here as he always is. His promos give me chills, and I can see Bray being a huge star for years to come. After the promo we get a shot of Dean Ambrose walking to lead us into a break.

Back from break, and Curtis Axel is in the ring complaining some more about how he never lost the Royal Rumble. He starts screaming Axelmania over and over before Dean Ambrose interrupts him. Looks like we've got another match. Decent back and forth that doesn't get a ton of time, but makes Dean Ambrose look good without dealing a loss to anyone above jobber status. Dean grabs a mic and calls out Wade Barrett, demanding an intercontinental title match, saying he won't stop until he gets it. Barrett appears with his BNZ gimmick to tell the world things aren't looking good for Dean Ambrose, because he's not getting a title match. I love the BNZ set up. The scrolling headlines are hilarious. Ambrose doesn't seem to be a fan though.

After another commercial we get Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns versus team Authority. I'm expecting this to be overbooked and confusing. I'm also expecting them to somehow work in the Triple H/Sting feud one more time. The Authority beats both men down before the match starts, but Daniel Bryan does the Dolph Ziggler and says to start the match when he can barely stand. It's hard to judge a match like this, but everyone involved does their job well. The Authority basically beats the shit out of Daniel Bryan. Reigns tries to save him, but gets a KO punch for his troubles. At one point it looks like they're going to put Bryan through the announce table, but Ryback, Rowan and Ziggler all come rushing down to make the save. The two groups brawl a bit, before Ziggler goes kamikaze and takes out everyone, leaving only the New stooges in the ring with Bryan. He takes turns kicking them retarded, but Reigns surprise tags himself in and hits the spear for the win.

Daniel isn't happy about Roman's actions, and it begins an argument.  Bryan shoves Reigns, Reigns spears Bryan, the crowd boos the shit out of Reigns. Tale as old as time really. We get a shot of Stephanie and Triple H looking really happy about it, before cutting back to the ring to end the show.

So... did it suck? Not this week. In fact, I was more than pleased with this show. For the first time since the Royal Rumble, I feel like WWE is back on a good track. They've got the writers being smart and writing him action movie one liners instead of giving him a script that makes him sound like Samoan John Cena. There was a lot of wrestling and action on this show with almost no bad matches. The segments were mostly entertaining as well. It moved everything toward Wrestlemania, gave us some good tension between Bryan and Reigns, and best of all the Authority was gloriously scarce from this episode. I'm actually having trouble of thinking of complaints. I guess the only one I really have is that they're dragging out the Mizdow/Miz angle way too long. I assume Damien will turn on Miz at Fastlane, but I thought that at the Rumble, so shows how useful my crystal ball is. Otherwise, very few complaints this week.

MVP: This was a hard one, but I have to go with Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns. Their storyline progression was natural, subtle, and simple. It built tension well without being ridiculously overbooked, and helped headline a great show.

Worst in Show: Once again it is the announce team. I didn't talk about it much, but even on a good show like this they're horrible. They weren't as bad this week, but that's like saying that piece of dog shit doesn't smell as bad this week. Vince, I am begging you to fire the announce team. Shit, even a no talent rube like me would be better for your show than the circus you have now.

Thank you for indulging in another week of my ranting. The podcast version of Did Raw Suck should be up soon, and remember that this week I begin my critical review of the Bible. Don't miss it!