Did Raw Suck This Week? 4/6/2015

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the triumphant return of "Did Raw Suck This Week?" The last few weeks have been crazy. We had Wrestlemania 31, followed by one of the best episodes of Raw I have ever seen. Can we keep this pace up, or are we doomed to inevitable disappointment like the fragile snowflake that is life? Come with me on a journey, won't you? Where are we going, you may ask... a little place called Suplex City, bitch!

We open with the theme song, and it turns out Byron Saxton will be replacing Michael Cole... really guys? After his performance last week, I'd think you might be willing to take a SHOT at sending out Renee Young. No? Alright. I won't tell you how to do your jobs... but you really suck at your jobs. The announcers recap the DX/NWO/Sting/HHH clusterfuck from Wrestlemania, which was the absolute worst part of the entire PPV.

Live shot of Big Show standing next to his Andre Battle Royal trophy, after which we see Seth Rollins standing in the ring with the Authority, WWE title wrapped beautifully around his waist. The crowd really hates him. They keep interrupting him, trying to stop him from speaking, and he plays to it well. He tells us Trips and Stephanie are not here tonight, which instantly makes me optimistic about the show. He tries to tell the ungrateful fans how awesome Wrestlemania was, but they chant "You sold out" like metal stud laden teenagers at a Green Day concert.

Seth is fantastic here, and the crowd is absolutely hot. All Seth has to do is mention the Authority, and the crowd loses their minds. He runs down all the awesome stuff the Authority did, but comes up with nothing when he gets to Kane, which is hilarious. Big Show then starts talking, because why would WWE want me to enjoy the opening segment? Show slobbers all over Rollins, which sets the crowd off again. If we can replace 20 minute Triple H segments with 20 minute Seth Rollins segments, that would make me a very happy, wrestling obsessed manchild.

Orton comes out while Kane is talking, because he's rude as fuck. Orton and Rollins go back and forth, and it's only half bad... that's Orton's half. He challenges Seth to a WWE title match, but Corporate Kane says nuh-uh. He announces a triple threat, #1 contender's match tonight between Roman Reigns, Ryback, and Randy Orton. Seth doesn't seem happy with this announcement. Kane also says each competitor will compete in a second match tonight, and Orton's match is against the Big Red Middle Management Monster himself, and it's right now!

Maybe this is the rose colored glasses still being on from last week, but these two actually have a good match. I know I rip them both apart on a constant basis, but the match is fast paced, hard hitting, and I could tell both men were giving it their all. It makes me think the fan reaction last week threw them off and made them rethink their complacency. The match ends abruptly when Kane hits Orton with a chair. That doesn't stop the Big Corporate Burn Victim from throwing him in the ring and going for a chokeslam. Orton reverses and goes for an RKO, but Kane escapes and heads up the ramp.

The announce team is slightly less shitty this week. Thanks Byron. They run down what we're going to see tonight, before cutting to commercial. The first twenty minutes were really solid. Not mind blowing, so some people will likely be disappointed, but this is wrestling. You can't let your expectations get too high... you can't have expectations at all really. Just blank out your mind and be prepared to swallow what they hand you... it may not sound like it, but I swear I like wrestling.

We come back from break to a shot of the announce team letting us know AJ Lee has announced her retirement. I could make a joke here, but fuck it. She did some good work while she was here. I wish her nothing but the best... now call Charlotte up!

We get a segment with Kane yelling at Brad Maddox. He gets interrupted by Seth telling him that he's not doing his job, which is to protect Seth. Kane retorts that Seth wouldn't have gotten the money in the bank briefcase if it weren't for Kane. He suggests Rollins might be scared of Orton, and Seth denies it. Seth says he thinks Kane should step down, and Trips+Steph would agree. I love him playing the bratty kid of the Authority. Kane tells him Steph and Mr. Steph are gone, so he's running shit. Seth yells at Kane some more, so he tells Seth he's in a match next. Kane's goin' rogue!!!

Back to the announce team... just because I said they were slightly less shitty doesn't mean I wanted you to cut to them every three minutes. They talk about Brock getting suspended, before showing us a video package of exactly what they just talked about. We really could have been spared the announce team bloviating and just had them cut to the package. To the editing team's credit, the video package is as well done as any of their work, which I think is a vastly underrated part of WWE programming.

After all that we get Seth Rollins versus Adrian Neville. Interesting choice. Before the match, Seth takes the mic, and tells the crowd to give Neville a warm welcome. He then continues being awesome, cutting a promo trying to get Neville to leave, which works about as well as you think it would. These two have an incredibly entertaining match, as if there was any doubt. It's mostly Seth beating the crap out of Neville, but they make it look amazing, and Seth does a good job acting with his face. It ends when Seth curb stomps Neville and pins him clean. Interesting call, but they both looked good so well done. After the match, the New Stooges pick Neville up so Seth can stomp him again. Great way to get heat on Seth Rollins. The announcers remind us about the main event and John Cena's US title open challenge before cutting to commercial.

Commercial note: They made The Marine 4... This universe fucking blows. Burn it down and start over!

Back from break, and Super Pope Christ is on his way to the ring, US title in hand. He informs us that the city of Austin has declared today WWE day. He then shouts a tired catchphrase, before playing both sides of the crowd. He cuts another fucking super patriotic promo that doesn't land at all, even with this easy crowd. He finally gets around to talking about the open challenge, but just when it looks like we're going to get a match, Dr. Cena gives us more promo. Eventually he does shut up, and his open challenge is answered by ... (imagine a drumroll here)... Stardust!?!? I think I'm having an acid flashback... which is even weirder considering I've never done acid.

The match is decent, but it sort of feels like they're working against each other. It's not bad, the chemistry just seems a little off. Other than that the match is good, and just gets better as it goes. It's really cool to see Cena fighting guys we never thought he would. Having him do the US title open challenge gives him a whole roster full of fresh match ups, because he isn't committed to working solely with established main eventers. The match ends when Cena wins clean with the A.A. That's okay though. I knew it would happen, and it came after a fantastic match. We get another run down from the announce team, and a shot of the Bella Mannequins walking down a hallway before we go to commercial.

Back from break and we're getting the Bellas versus Paige and Naomi, also known as the talented Funkadactyl. The match is quite good. Paige has grown on me recently, and even the Bellas have improved quite a bit lately. It's a little slow, but in a way that actually aids the story of the match, so it's a nice change of pace from three minute divas matches where they have to jam a bunch of shit in. The match ends when Naomi pins Nikki Bella with a weird head scissors face slam.

Next we get a promo from the Primetime Players, which is fantastic. They make fun of the Ascension and New Day and some people might think it's stupid, but I'm a PTP mark, so it makes me laugh. We then get the news that we're getting Miz v. Mizdow tonight... instead of on a fucking pay per view for some reason!

Back from break and we get Luke Harper versus Ryback... because the night was going too well and WWE needed to squash that shit. The match is slow and sloppy, but they keep it short. Ryback wins with the shell shock, as if you cared. We then cut backstage to Renee Young interviewing the New Day, and she addresses the audience chanting that they suck. They say it hurts, and it's disappointing, but they're going to stay annoyingly upbeat. It looks like they're going to turn this into a heel gimmick by doubling down on the cheese. Brilliant move if that's the case.

Back from break and we get New Day versus the Lucha Dragons. The match is decent, and makes it clear that New Day are heels now, which they're much better at being. Kalisto's offense is astounding to watch. The match is far too short, and ends when Sin Cara hits the swanton bomb for the pin. Of course they tell us we're getting Roman Reigns v. Big Show, which will probably get about twice the time while being nowhere near as good.

Back from break, and Roman is coming down through the crowd, which given how a lot of fans feel about him, may not be the smartest move. It's ok though. The Austin crowd is easily pleased, because Texas. Before the match, Big Show poses by the trophy again, which I already hate. It does nothing for him, other than serve to remind us that WCW based his character entirely on Andre's legacy. The match is incredibly slow, and Roman Reigns' strategy seems to be keep punching Big Show, and then punch him some more. Roman desperately needs a third move. When Cena has more than you, you're doing it wrong.

After the break, Roman changes it up by kicking Big Show, but even THAT doesn't work! Big Show basically just tosses Reigns around a bunch. It's more interesting to watch than I expected their match to be, but it's still really slow and plodding. Roman wins when he decides that instead of punching Big Show, he'll punch Big Show three times really hard, and then spear him. We cut to Kane backstage on his phone trying to get a hole of the McMahon-Helmsley's. Suddenly a bunch of divas come in for and compliment him before asking for a diva's battle royal for the #1 contendership. Kane says ok, probably just to get them the hell away from him. We get a shot of Sheamus walking down the hall before commercial.

Back from break, and now Roman Reigns is walking down the hallway. This hallway is getting a lot of screen time this week. Maybe it's getting more over than I thought. Roman delivers what is barely a two line promo before rudely walking away from Renee Young. Back to the ring and Sheamus is on his way down the ramp looking like an awesome, bad ass barbarian. He grabs a mic and... doesn't cut a stupid promo where he tells a story about a family member! It's a miracle! He talks himself up while mocking Dolph Ziggler, calling him an insect that needs to be weeded out.

Sheamus does a good job in this promo, but is interrupted by Mark Henry, getting a decent pop from the fans. I know he's been gone for a while, and they're in his home state, but I have no idea why the fans are happy about this,. We saw these guys feud way too many times before, and it was rarely good. The match is a hundred times better than Show v. Reigns. These two know how to work a match with two big men. It's not amazing or anything, but it's solid and tells a good story. Sheamus wins with the brogue kick. After the match, we get a shot of the announce table, and they recap the Rock/Stephanie/Ronda Rousey segment from Wrestlemania... I have no idea why.

Back from break and we get a creepy Bray Wyatt promo. Do I even have to say it's amazing anymore, or can we all just assume I get a wrestling boner every time Bray Wyatt is on the screen? We get Renee Young backstage with Ryback, who cuts a typical, stupid Ryback promo that isn't short enough for my tastes. After this we get Miz versus Mizdow.

Commercial note: I'm still having trouble getting over this whole "Marine 4" thing. This kind of shit is why I'm an atheist.

The match is really good, and surprisingly aggressive. It does a great job of getting Mizdow over, and making me think they might be able to extend his push past this particular feud. The problem with this match is that no matter how good it is, it should have happened at Wrestlemania. It's too short, and Miz wins with a roll up and a hand full of tights. I have a feeling this isn't their last match. We go backstage to Renee Young interviewing Randy Orton. Orton cuts a decent promo. Maybe it's my fault. I can't help but see him as generic and boring.

Back from break and we have our #1 contender triple threat. The match is clunky, overbooked and weird. The crowd isn't very into it. Of course they aren't being douchey self marks and starting a wave. Go Austin. Randy Orton wins with the RKO on Ryback. After the match, Seth curb stomps him and stands over him with the title.

So... did it suck? Not at all. People will complain because it wasn't as good as last week, but it was never going to be. What they gave us this week was a solid Raw with good storytelling and a LOT of wrestling. They even gave Divas a chance. I was entertained and I think this Raw was perfectly fine.

MVP: This goes to Rollins and Neville. Best match on a very good card.

Worst in show: Big Show... why hasn't he retired yet?

Thank you for joining me for another week! Keep an eye out for the first episode of "Displeased Wrestling Geek" and another Bible review. As always, remember, it's just a show. Watch it and have fun.